Serving healthy food to your child and still struggling? Here’s why. (giveaway)
Editor’s note: Please welcome Maryann from Raise Healthy Eaters blog as my guest poster today.
Jane served her child (Lila) homemade baby food and let her eat off of her plate. By the time Lila was two, she ate practically everything. But as she approached three, it seemed like a switch turned off and she became more selective and started whining constantly for sweets. Jane didn’t want to bribe her daughter with dessert but it seemed the only way she could get her to eat vegetables and protein. She felt horrible.
The reason health-conscious parents like Jane struggle is because feeding kids healthy food is only part of what it takes to be successful with feeding. When parents run into feeding challenges it’s not their fault, it’s just they haven’t learned to expect them at each stage of development. For example, Jane had a ton of information on feeding babies but when her daughter became a toddler everything changed and she simply wasn’t prepared.
To help prepare parents we wrote the bible on child nutrition:Fearless Feeding: How to Raise Healthy Eaters from High Chair to High School
. Our Fearless Feeding strategy helps make feeding kids a source of joy, not fear. This strategy consists of the following three components: what to feed, how to feed and why children act the way they do around food. Let’s take a look.
What to Feed
Most parents understand basic nutrition principles but what happens when a kid shuns an entire food group, or won’t eat vegetables? Parents may give multivitamins as insurance but these won’t make up for low calcium, low iron or DHA if they don’t eat fish. In fact, studies show kids taking vitamins may be getting too much of certain nutrients such as folic acid, and not enough of others, like calcium.
In Fearless Feeding, we have charts that show how many food groups children at different ages need, along with alternatives to offer if they don’t eat certain foods. Lastly, we spell out which supplements are best when eating is less than perfect. For example, Lila’s varied fruit intake made up for her low veggie intake. And because she only needed 3 ounces of protein foods (for the whole day!) her mom realized she got enough earlier in the day from the eggs, beans and chicken she ate.
When parents understand how to meet a child’s nutritional needs, it makes it easier for them to be patient as children move towards food acceptance at their own pace.
How to Feed
Jane’s strategy of using sweets as a reward was having the opposite effect on Lila — making sweets even more desirable and healthy foods a chore. Most parents don’t realize the power their attitudes, actions and timing of meals have on how children eat. Research shows that being too controlling (forcing extra bites, restricting food and bribing with dessert) and being too permissive (catering to children, letting them graze all day and being the “yes” parent) are linked to poor food regulation and worse eating habits in children.
The most effective way to feed children is something in between these two: what researchers call an authoritative feeding style. This means parents set the structure (timing and location of meals) and decide what is served, but children get to control what and how much is eaten. (Ed note: much like this DIY salad bar for kids.)
Feeding is structured around times of hunger and children are encouraged to listen to their own feelings of hunger and satiety. Parents still have high expectations for kids’ eating but they keep mealtime enjoyable and use it as a way to connect with children, rather than a battle zone.
Understanding that children are learning about food, the same way they learn to read, write or drive a car, helps parents create a supportive environment that enhances food learning.
Why Kids Behave that Way
Whether it’s the infant throwing food, the toddler being picky, the school-age kid coming home wanting what their friend is eating, or the teen experimenting with the latest diet craze, there are developmental reasons children act the way they do around food.
For example, the infant is learning about cause and effect. It sure is interesting to see what happens when they throw that meatball! Picky eating is a rite of passage for most kids starting around age two when growth slows and they become skeptical about food.
And school-age children feel the need to belong, which is why they often want the same foods their friends are eating. Let’s not forget about teens. They are developing their identity and are apt to try a few risky behaviors along the way, which is why a fast weight loss diet entices even the most savvy of teens.
When parents learn to expect challenging food-related behaviors, instead of assuming something is wrong, it helps them respond in thoughtful ways. In Fearless Feeding, we not only teach parents this what to expect aspect of feeding, we provide them with the tools and strategies of how best to take action so they can feel more confident raising healthy and happy eaters.
Giveaway!
We have a copy of Maryann’s book, Fearless Feeding: How to Raise Healthy Eaters from High Chair to High School to give away. Just leave a comment on this post and answer the question below:
**This giveaway is now close. Congratulations to Rita, who is our winner. Rita, you’ve been notified via email. **
What stage of feeding are you in right now and what is your biggest challenge?
I have 2 1/2 year old twins and I struggle to understand why one week they love bananas, but the next week they want nothing to do with them or one week they want their carrots cut up but the next day it has to be whole. I feel like we waste food because they refuse to eat food today that they enjoyed yesterday.
I would love to get this book. It has been on my wish list since before it came out
I have an 8 year old and a 6 year old. Their food dislikes are completely opposite. Unfortunately I have fallen into the “bribe with dessert” category. Want to reform the situation as soon as possible.
I have a 6 and 8 year old girls. My 6 year old seems naturally attracted to, and already searches out “healthy” food to eat … my 8 year old is exactly opposite! She’ll bypass the veggies and fruit in her lunch and wait it out until the opportunity for a “treat” is around. I try to redirect her cravings towards healthier items … works sometimes but not always!
My two older children eat a wide variety of foods and have always been quite open to trying new things, but we are in the toddler feeding stage with my youngest and he willingly eats very few things. My biggest challenge is that he strongly opposes trying new foods so he does not have much variety in his diet.
We are at lots of stages of feeding with an 8 year old, a 4 year old, a 1 year old, and a newborn (to arrive soon). My biggest challenge is keeping in mind all the different eating habits. For example, my 4 year old eats really well at earlier meals (breakfast and lunch) while my 8 year old can eat little breakfast but tons of dinner. I am always trying to make sure we have enough at each meal without wasting food.
My kids are 2 and 4. My 4 yr old is in a more difficult stage. She is a much pickier eater than a couple of years ago and is CONSTANTLY asking for sweets.
i have a 3 year old. i try to buy more healthy foods (fresh fruits / veggies) but they always seem to go bad before we eat them. i have good intentions but the reality of our schedule messes it up.
My step daughter is 9 and on the autism spectrum. She gets stuck in routines and wants to eat the same foods for weeks on end and then all of a sudden she doesn’t like the food that was previously her favorite. It’s tough to keep foods in our house for her since she’s not there all the time. I’ve been asking her the night she gets to our house what she would like for the weekend and buying groceries for her that way. It helps but I worry she’s not getting the nutrients she needs when she wants to eat nothing but hot dogs and pickles for every meal.
We have a 6 1/2 yr. old boy who eats pretty well but craves breads and “treats”…could definitely use more veggies!
I have a 19 month old who prefers a cheese and yogurt diet. All other foods are a challenge!
Jack is my first and only baby. He’s nearly 5 months old and up until a few weeks ago, he’d never had anything in his mouth besides breastmilk, Vitamin D, and his cute little fists. So we sat him in his Bumbo and let him try some rice cereal. His face said it all: Jack isn’t a fan of rice cereal. BUT, with the introduction of pears a week later and little more spoon exposure, he’s doing great 🙂 I would say the biggest challenge is accepting this will mean decreased milk production. Jiminy Christmas, that was hard to initially establish! Letting go will be a challenge. Oh, and the poop. Oh. My. Goodness. The carrot poop.
I have two who can’t make up their mind and change their likes/dislikes every other day. And one that has very specific texture issues!
I have a 3 1/2 and 5 year old. The 5 year old just came out of a picky stage thank goodness but the 3 1/2 year old wants to eat huge snacks and nothing at meals. If I restrict his snacks he’s always just a moment away from meltdown. It feels like eating is always a power struggle for him!
I have a 7 year old, a 4 year old, and a 5 mo. old. Of the first two, my second is certainly the pickiest eater. She’s my little vegetarian (who will only eat so much veg 😛 ). They make fairly healthy food choices. It just takes a lot of effort sometimes to get them to try new things, or to eat foods they don’t have very often.
I’d like to get to a place where I don’t have to sneak their spinach into a strawberry smoothie, or make an almond ‘cake’ in order for my meat-snubber to get her protein.
My daughter just finished her first year of kindergarten, and is in the stage of wanting whatever her classmates might have, that we normally don’t. Like lunchables…she’s obsessed with the lunchables, but that’s where I draw the line.
I have a 3 month old and would love this book!
My kids are 14 months. The biggest challenge is that they love a food, like eggs, one day then hate it the next.
I have a 14 month old and she loves to eat! The biggest challenge is having enough healthy snacks on hand at any given time to fill her up.
Interesting book!!! My biggest challenge feeding my 9 year old Son is to make healthy food when I’m stressed, overworked and tired. That’s a big challenge for me and variety…
I have a 5 yr. old who is about to start kindergarten and I’m anticipating that he’ll want what “the other kids” are having; but our family eats real food and I would like to keep it real for his lunchbox as well.
My daughter is two years old and she is showing signs of being more picky. Although she will often try a bite of something new. My biggest challenge is letting her decide when she’s done even if she hasn’t eaten everything or much at all. I struggle with seeing food go to waste, so it’s tough for me when she doesn’t eat it.
My daughter is 16 months and overall a good eater, but my biggest problem lately is that she thinks if she doesn’t want to have what we’re eating, she can just fuss until I dig something else out of the fridge. Obviously, I’ve helped this habit form, so we’re trying to break both of us of it!
We will be having our first baby in November so we are right at the beginning – this book sounds like it would make life alot easier come the toddler years!
I have an infant who is trying solid foods for the first time and an 8 year old who I just finally told I was done making her something different than what we were eating. I told her she could eat what we were eating or she could make her own food, funny thing she started trying different foods again after years of struggles. Massive face palm.
I have a toddler whose biggest problem is just not being interested in food. Though when he does eat, he thankfully is pretty good with protein and fruit, if not vegetables.
I would love to win this book! Have a toddler who would eat cheese and drink milk all day if she could :0) Thanks!
My 3.5-yr-old is pretty good to eat whatever is put in front of her. At breakfast, she chooses among a few options. But as a single parent working full-time, it’s hard to keep supper interesting for both of us.
We have a 5 year old with autism, so his sensory sensitivities have always contributed to extreme pickiness. Fingers crossed that added peer influence in kindergarten this year will help him start expanding/ trying new things! We also have a 15 mo old… Currently eats just about anything we do – very independently – oooooh the mess!
My daughter is 13.5 months old, and has not been throwing her food quite as much as before (yay). She doesn’t seem to be too interested in vegetables (although it’s been better, she likes her beans and peas now), and overall she’s a great eater. She still nurses, and has started drinking whole milk. We’re doing baby-led solids, so she’s presented with food, and eats what she wants. I do find myself reaching for the cheerios and yoghurt when I feel she’s not eating a lot, just to get something in her. I’d love the book, so my husband and I can prepare ourselves for the next food phase. I don’t want her to be a picky eater like I am, I want her to enjoy food and not worry when we’re out that there won’t be anything she likes.
Hi. I have twin almost 7 yr olds and one five year old. Definitely moving into a sweets moment for the 7 year olds and the 5 is different everyday. Thanks for the chance to win
Have a,20 month old…who breast feeds and also eatd some soft solids. Also have a 4 & 7 year old. So though the older ones eat anything I give them…I get complaints. The challenge is finding the right food combination that will please and fill their tummies with basic ingredients.
I have an 8 yea r old and 6 year old triplets. They are all moderately picky,but we don’t offer a lot of junk or sweets! I would love to read this book!
I do not have any children yet but am devouring (no pun inteaded) anything I can to get prepared.
Toddler (27 months old). The biggest challenge is definitely the mood changes — liking one food one day, refusing it the next!
Picky toddler stage!!!
I have kids aged 10, 7, 5, 3, and newborn. We have ALL the struggles! Would love advice from the book!
With kids ages 8, 6, 4, and 10m they each have their different highs and lows with food choices. What works one day doesn’t always fly the next.
This email notification regarding your post could not have come at a better time. I have an almost 3 year old girl whom I made baby food for, and fed off our plate. We are definitely in a difficult stage with at the moment and I cannot wait to dive into this book!
I have a house of soon to be 7 children,and I find some of them need more protein to slow their digestion down….they have fast metabolisms!Always hungry and wanting the carbs or sugars….I just try to have good choices on hand to avoid sugar low meltdowns and meals on time.
My two kiddo are complete opposites, 11m old son will eat anything, and always has. 2year old big sister has always been a picky eater- help!
My youngest, who is six, has not been wanting to eat what is being served (even when it is a meal he has eaten before). My kids know that we are not going to make a separate meal for them, and I am trying my best to stick to that even when he is refusing to eat any part of the meal.
I have a 4 year old who is an incredibly picky eater and a 1 year old who is not very picky but I have been noticing lately that she has stopped liking some of the food she used to like. I am definitely putting this on the list to read!
So need to read this! My daugter is turning two next month and her intake and attitude toward food is constanly changing! I find myself constanly worrying about how much and what she is eating.
I have twin 3 year old boys and I struggle with finding their changing habits. One day peas are ok, the next we dig every single pea out of the dish! I know that it is a developmental stage but it is frustrating when you try so hard to plan healthy, balanced and varied meals and it’s all thrown out the window with the changing whims of a 3 year old. Ugh:)
Our biggest challenge is just to get her to eat. Although we’re not too worried – she’s growing, thriving, and pooping plenty.
This looks like an exciting book! We’ve gone through the 2 year old hunger strike, we’ve seen the problems of bribing with dessert, we are now in the “this-is-what’s-for-dinner-you don’t-have-to-eat-it-but-you’re-not-getting-anything-different.”
Ha! I wish you’d written your book 17 years ago. 🙂 And that 17 year *still* won’t eat a whole bunch of foods. He’ll eat yogurt but not pudding. Cold fruit soup but not hot savory soup. Tomato sauce (same one!) on pizza but not on pasta. He only likes potatoes as oven-baked fries, preferably made by an excellent cook and family friend.
Go figure!
I have a 5-month -old that I’m breastfeeding currently. My biggest challenge is that she wants to try to eat everything and I don’t even know where to begin!! This is my first baby and we live in the UK, where they recommend no solids until 6 months. I had to start her on something now, so we are doing baby porridge. I’m excited to introduce more foods, but a little intimidated as to where to begin!! 🙂
I have a newborn so we are just working on figuring out breastfeeding but I have already started researching my options for the next stages as I would like to avoid potential pickiness if at all possible, as well as give him the best chance at optimal health. The hubby has some extremely picky eaters in his family, and I used to, and I would rather not have that in our family as it has caused some health issues for some of them.