Serving healthy food to your child and still struggling? Here’s why. (giveaway)
Editor’s note: Please welcome Maryann from Raise Healthy Eaters blog as my guest poster today.
Jane served her child (Lila) homemade baby food and let her eat off of her plate. By the time Lila was two, she ate practically everything. But as she approached three, it seemed like a switch turned off and she became more selective and started whining constantly for sweets. Jane didn’t want to bribe her daughter with dessert but it seemed the only way she could get her to eat vegetables and protein. She felt horrible.
The reason health-conscious parents like Jane struggle is because feeding kids healthy food is only part of what it takes to be successful with feeding. When parents run into feeding challenges it’s not their fault, it’s just they haven’t learned to expect them at each stage of development. For example, Jane had a ton of information on feeding babies but when her daughter became a toddler everything changed and she simply wasn’t prepared.
To help prepare parents we wrote the bible on child nutrition:Fearless Feeding: How to Raise Healthy Eaters from High Chair to High School
. Our Fearless Feeding strategy helps make feeding kids a source of joy, not fear. This strategy consists of the following three components: what to feed, how to feed and why children act the way they do around food. Let’s take a look.
What to Feed
Most parents understand basic nutrition principles but what happens when a kid shuns an entire food group, or won’t eat vegetables? Parents may give multivitamins as insurance but these won’t make up for low calcium, low iron or DHA if they don’t eat fish. In fact, studies show kids taking vitamins may be getting too much of certain nutrients such as folic acid, and not enough of others, like calcium.
In Fearless Feeding, we have charts that show how many food groups children at different ages need, along with alternatives to offer if they don’t eat certain foods. Lastly, we spell out which supplements are best when eating is less than perfect. For example, Lila’s varied fruit intake made up for her low veggie intake. And because she only needed 3 ounces of protein foods (for the whole day!) her mom realized she got enough earlier in the day from the eggs, beans and chicken she ate.
When parents understand how to meet a child’s nutritional needs, it makes it easier for them to be patient as children move towards food acceptance at their own pace.
How to Feed
Jane’s strategy of using sweets as a reward was having the opposite effect on Lila — making sweets even more desirable and healthy foods a chore. Most parents don’t realize the power their attitudes, actions and timing of meals have on how children eat. Research shows that being too controlling (forcing extra bites, restricting food and bribing with dessert) and being too permissive (catering to children, letting them graze all day and being the “yes” parent) are linked to poor food regulation and worse eating habits in children.
The most effective way to feed children is something in between these two: what researchers call an authoritative feeding style. This means parents set the structure (timing and location of meals) and decide what is served, but children get to control what and how much is eaten. (Ed note: much like this DIY salad bar for kids.)
Feeding is structured around times of hunger and children are encouraged to listen to their own feelings of hunger and satiety. Parents still have high expectations for kids’ eating but they keep mealtime enjoyable and use it as a way to connect with children, rather than a battle zone.
Understanding that children are learning about food, the same way they learn to read, write or drive a car, helps parents create a supportive environment that enhances food learning.
Why Kids Behave that Way
Whether it’s the infant throwing food, the toddler being picky, the school-age kid coming home wanting what their friend is eating, or the teen experimenting with the latest diet craze, there are developmental reasons children act the way they do around food.
For example, the infant is learning about cause and effect. It sure is interesting to see what happens when they throw that meatball! Picky eating is a rite of passage for most kids starting around age two when growth slows and they become skeptical about food.
And school-age children feel the need to belong, which is why they often want the same foods their friends are eating. Let’s not forget about teens. They are developing their identity and are apt to try a few risky behaviors along the way, which is why a fast weight loss diet entices even the most savvy of teens.
When parents learn to expect challenging food-related behaviors, instead of assuming something is wrong, it helps them respond in thoughtful ways. In Fearless Feeding, we not only teach parents this what to expect aspect of feeding, we provide them with the tools and strategies of how best to take action so they can feel more confident raising healthy and happy eaters.
Giveaway!
We have a copy of Maryann’s book, Fearless Feeding: How to Raise Healthy Eaters from High Chair to High School to give away. Just leave a comment on this post and answer the question below:
**This giveaway is now close. Congratulations to Rita, who is our winner. Rita, you’ve been notified via email. **
What stage of feeding are you in right now and what is your biggest challenge?
My daughter is 20 months. We’re in the stage of trying to encourage her to eat veggies and bread. She wants milk, meat, and Cheerios all day. Thank goodness for pouches to sneak in extra veggies.
I have a 12 year old daughter who just this last year has decided she doesn’t like certain veggies and I have an 8 year old son that is picky about textures but is adjusting some and he has started a medication that takes his appetite away for most of the day. He is allergic to nuts, eggs and soy, so I have a hard time with feeling like my kids are getting the right amount of nutrition for their growing bodies. I need some guidance and practical ways to help!
I have a 2.5 yr. old and a set of 4month twins. My toddler is a great eater, but has just started bargaining with us at the table. He says stuff like “if iI eat two more beans, may I have a cookie” Also, I’m hoping to set the girls on the right track for eating from the beginning.
Our twin boys are 15 months old and hoo boy they are certainly testing us. Arthur will eat spaghetti but not rotini. Charlie will eat 2 cups of berries in one sitting and two days later throw them on the floor. The only thing that is green that they will consider eating are avocados and snap pea crisps (not actual snap peas, which look very similar). whether or not i WIN this book, i will definitely be investing in it!
3 year old grandson who only seems to eat during the day and not at all in the evening and rarely eats vegetables and 17 year old son who wants to eat like his friends, rarely eats vegetables but is starting to experiment with cooking. This sounds like the perfect guide for both stages.
My 11 year old and 14 year old struggle through dinner , can’t finish it all and eat a snack an hour later. Usually cereal. My challenge is to get them to eat the veggies etc at dinner. In the summer breakfast and lunch are casual, so they don’t take dinner seriously either!
I would love suggestions and to win the book, but I fear my window for change has passed.
Steph
I completely identify with the situation of having a non-picky infant and toddler, who suddenly morphed into a 3 year old who says everything I cook is “gross” and who only wants to eat fruit, snacks, and sweets. Not giving in to these demands has not really samed to make any difference. I would love to win this book!!
WE have a 3 and 5 year old. The 5 year old is in a good phase. The 3 year old is a struggle to not snack and eat with crying fits, bribing and more! I need this book!
I have three boys, ages 4, 7, and 10. We are in the ” not eating many vegetables stage.” If I don’t require them to eat the veggies, no one would bother. There are only a few limited veggies that they do eat. I would love to win a copy if this book.
I have a 7-mo-old and a 2.5-y-o. The older wants sugar all the time! Just starting puréed with the baby. Sometimes it’s difficult to regulate sugar intake because we’re living with grandparents right now!
4 year old on a summer travel visit schedule….means no schedule. Not too picky, but I get stuck on providing more variety in our harried lives. I prob need more “help” than my daughter.
Like many parents, this details the story of our feeding experiences with our almost 3 year old. There have only ever been a few foods she has just flat out refused (tomatoes and green beans to name two – though she recently ate the green beans we gathered from our garden!). By and large she was an exceptional eater until about 20 months old and she slowly started culling out foods she had previously inhaled. I really took comfort in one theory offered my a pediatrician who wrote a great book on healthy eating fetal development through toddlerhood: he thinks the food culling might have evolutionary roots because as children grew out of infancy and wandered farther from their parents, the likelihood of accidental poisoning from eating berries and other plants was greater than today (we’re talking thousands of years ago). So, as a survival mechanism, many toddlers start eliminating foods with bitter and sour tastes. Interesting theory!
I would love this book for the information on developmental eating and especially alternatives to offer! What a valuable resource!
My daughter is 2-1/2 & we are dealing with the issue of the first story, eating a few bites of dinner & then asking for snacks or sweets. Would love a copy of your book to help now & future issues!
I have an 8 year old, “picky eater”, and I’m also a speech-language pathologist who works with kiddos who have a variety of feeding challenges. I’m really interested in the book!! Thanks!!
My first baby is due in January & I’d love to get a head start on healthy eating habits!
I have a 15 month old who eats great but a 3.5 year old who wont eat almost anything :/ I really want to help them learn to eat healthy and this book looks perfect
I am in the 10 & 8yo “don’t want to eat veggies” stage; the 4yo “will eat lots of different things” stage; and the 8month old “eat it all” stage. Love the idea of the developmental levels and break down of what they need at different stages.
With the 3 year old, it is getting him to stop playing long enough to eat. The 2 year old is definitely in the picky stage. And the baby is breast feeding, which is going quite well. 🙂
I have a two year old who is a great eater most of the time, but is starting to turn down food just because he can. The biggest challenge right now is his changing tastes from one day to the next. He will love something one day, and then the next day spit it out and refuse to eat it. It is hard to know how he is going to react, and it is frustrating to spend time preparing a good, healthy meal, only to have it go to waste. I also have a 7 month old who is just starting on solid foods, and just beginning to taste and experience everything. The biggest challenge with her is just trying to make eating fun and exciting while introducing healthy, quality foods.
My daughter is 4 years old and we are really struggling with getting her to try new foods. She is very picky refusing to eat the foods she likes if something new is on her plate. She is not getting any protein (refuses to eat eggs, meat, fish, beans). We have tried having the pediatrician talk with her, have her eat meals at friends house, let her pick out new foods to try but have not been successful. This is causimg a huge problem in our family. At this point we feel lost.
My kids are 3 and 5. My 3 yr old is a little picky and LOVES to snack. My 5 yr old is doing quite well, she even loves fish. But she asks for sweets all day and I am having trouble figuring out how much she she have and when. I love Maryann’ blog! It has been super helpful!
I have a 5 year old who isn’t really willing to try new foods!
My daughter is 11 months old and she eats EVERYTHING! Our biggest challenge is mess (we do baby-led weaning)– food on the floor is her signal that she’s DONE!
My kids are 4 & 6 and the 6 year old is definitely NOT a picky eater. He will consume just about anything. My 4 year old needs a bit more coaxing, which just means to us, less snacks and more real food at the dinner table…and more time…she’s a slow eater!
Sarah M
All the stages?
My daughter, age 9: “I’ll try new things, but not if you push.”
My son, age 6: is slowly emerging from the Reluctant Eater phase
I am an RD who works mostly with kids, so Ian dealing with all the stages, all of the time!
I have an 8-yr-old who will eat just about anything I put in front of her. However, my almost 12-yr-old is a different story. He’ll try just about anything, but doesn’t like most vegetables and gets really upset when I don’t buy cereal (one of the last processed items I have in the house). I would love some tips for his upcoming teenage years!
I am in desperate need of this book. My oldes son was such a great eater, he would try anything, then he turned three and won’t eat anything but fruit, cereal, oatmeal, and always asks for junk, like sweets, chips, and crackers, regardless of what we continually offer, bribe with, threaten, disguise, coax, etc… We feel like we’ve tried everything, but he just wants to eat junk (other than the fruit). We need help!
I have 4 children between 5 and 10. It is hard to get them to eat vegetables. I would really love this book!
We are still in the “no veggies!” phase. Seven years and counting…
We have 10 year old twin girls, one of whom is overweight. I’d love to have help teaching her to make good choices.
I have a 6 week old who is very easy to feed and a 2 1/2 year old who has her own opinions about food even before she tries it. The biggest challenge is trying to get her to try whatever is prepared for dinner.
We’re in the early elementary-school stage of eating, but my oldest has *always* been a picky eater. My challenge is getting him to consume enough protein, since he doesn’t like any meat, fish, beans, and most cheese! And after 6 years, he has finally grown tired of peanut butter (no jelly!) sandwiches.
I’m in the my baby ate and tried everything and now my toddler only wants cheese. Help!
I have 4 kids, so we are experiencing a lot of the stages right now, except teens. My oldest is 6 1/2 and generally will eat whatever is served, and sometimes has a hint of the desire to eat what his peers eat. Since he is homeschooled, he doesn’t see other kids’ lunch boxes, but when we go to the park with friends, sometimes he wants to change just one thing about his lunch (like instead of peanut butter and jelly, he wants peanut butter and honey). My 5 year old is really picky. Some days he is a selective vegetarian without knowing it, and other days he will eat things like salami or pepperoni (I guess fake meats don’t count in his mind 😉 But he does like fish, so that’s good. My 3 year old will sometimes skip meals, usually breakfast or lunch, or else he will eat just a piece of fruit. Unless he is acting really irritable, I don’t force him to eat more than he wants. And then I have a 1 year old who likes to drop food on the ground. So frustrating, but we are kind of used to it since she’s our 4th, we knew what to expect. She isn’t picky, but sometimes she will refuse to eat something when she sees that another option is available.
We have a school age and a preschooler. Our biggest challenge is getting both kids to eat a variety of foods!
It’s so hard to get kids to try new foods– especially veggies. I need this book!
I have a 3 and 5 year old. Both are light eaters but my 3 year old LOVES her milk. I think I have to lower the fat so she’s not filling up so much on it.
I have a 9 and 7 year old. They are reluctant to try anything new. I am most interested in reading about giving options or choices that I can control, while giving my children the freedom to decide which option and how much.
I have a two and a half year old, who is just starting to discover that he wants to try to do everything himself. That includes food. So one night we will put tomatoes on his plate, and he won’t even touch them, but the next night, if they are in a communal bowl that we are all eating out of, then he can serve himself and he will eat a half dozen. : )
Great info. Very interested in this book. Seems like my whole day now revolves around feeding my 7.5 month old daughter. I love knowing that I’m giving her the best nutritional start I can by making all her food myself. I love to cook for my husband and make us healthy meals. I feel it is so important to give my family the best nutrition possible.
My challenge in feeding my daughter right now is how to feed her greens and get her eating spinach, kale and lettuce.
My LO is 8.5 months so we’re just getting into truly eating full meals of solids. She’s pretty good about trying new things, and we feed her a variety of foods, but over the last week or so she’s been antsy about getting out of her chair before she is finished. She’s starting to walk now so I think this has something to do with it. We’re very intent upon eating together as a family and not allowing grazing, but staying at the table until finished so hopefully we’ll move past this without too much trouble.
My 18-month0old daughter is not yet weaned and is unpredictable at times in what she’ll eat. She alternates between being fairly picky and ravenous. There’s also the question of when or if she will outgrow her dairy intolerance.
I can’t seem to get my 8 year old daughter to eat any vegetable. She is also a sweet hound and would eat anything sweet.
My youngest is 16 months right now, and I’m struggling getting her to eat enough vegetables.
I’ll call it the “pre-feeding” stage. Pregnant with our first, and trying to equip ourselves as best we can for any parenting challenges that may lie ahead for us on this journey!
My children are 5, 4, 2, and 1. We have a bit of everything! One of them loves meat and Brussels sprouts and broccoli, but doesn’t like anything soft and squishy. Also doesn’t like blueberries or raisins in a muffin or pancake. The oldest likes only a few things (not so healthy) and getting him to eat anything nutritious other than fruit is a real chore. The younger two do okay for now, but I’m expecting them to follow their older brothers and get more and more picky as they grow older. It’s a real challenge to get healthy meals to the table that all will eat. I’m excited about possibly winning this book! Thanks!
My little one is 11 months old. Overall, she is a fantastic eater… enjoying most foods after just a few introductions. We currently face two struggles, I cannot get her to eat meat and she has food allergies…she and I are both off all dairy, soy, eggs, nuts and shellfish (my diet is restricted because I am still nursing her). I struggle to make sure her nutritional needs are met. I think this book would be so helpful in teaching me how to feed her in the healthiest way possible!
We have a 15 month, 4 year, and 6 year old. The youngest eats well so far. The 4 year old is picky and doesn’t eat much. And both the older two have a big sweet tooth and want sugary snacks all the time. I really want this book so I can have a healthier approach to feeding them!
I am currently in the stage of feeding prenatally as I am 18 weeks pregnant. I very much want to ensure that my kids are good eaters as I myself was picky for many years. I also want to feed my kids wholesome food and believe that there has to be more to feeding kids than chicken nuggets and pizza! This sounds like a great book to get my prepared for bringing up kids with a healthy perspective of food…and a good appetite!
We are at 16 months and she still eats what I give her. Except meat. She will not eat meat for me.