Serving healthy food to your child and still struggling? Here’s why. (giveaway)
Editor’s note: Please welcome Maryann from Raise Healthy Eaters blog as my guest poster today.
Jane served her child (Lila) homemade baby food and let her eat off of her plate. By the time Lila was two, she ate practically everything. But as she approached three, it seemed like a switch turned off and she became more selective and started whining constantly for sweets. Jane didn’t want to bribe her daughter with dessert but it seemed the only way she could get her to eat vegetables and protein. She felt horrible.
The reason health-conscious parents like Jane struggle is because feeding kids healthy food is only part of what it takes to be successful with feeding. When parents run into feeding challenges it’s not their fault, it’s just they haven’t learned to expect them at each stage of development. For example, Jane had a ton of information on feeding babies but when her daughter became a toddler everything changed and she simply wasn’t prepared.
To help prepare parents we wrote the bible on child nutrition:Fearless Feeding: How to Raise Healthy Eaters from High Chair to High School
. Our Fearless Feeding strategy helps make feeding kids a source of joy, not fear. This strategy consists of the following three components: what to feed, how to feed and why children act the way they do around food. Let’s take a look.
What to Feed
Most parents understand basic nutrition principles but what happens when a kid shuns an entire food group, or won’t eat vegetables? Parents may give multivitamins as insurance but these won’t make up for low calcium, low iron or DHA if they don’t eat fish. In fact, studies show kids taking vitamins may be getting too much of certain nutrients such as folic acid, and not enough of others, like calcium.
In Fearless Feeding, we have charts that show how many food groups children at different ages need, along with alternatives to offer if they don’t eat certain foods. Lastly, we spell out which supplements are best when eating is less than perfect. For example, Lila’s varied fruit intake made up for her low veggie intake. And because she only needed 3 ounces of protein foods (for the whole day!) her mom realized she got enough earlier in the day from the eggs, beans and chicken she ate.
When parents understand how to meet a child’s nutritional needs, it makes it easier for them to be patient as children move towards food acceptance at their own pace.
How to Feed
Jane’s strategy of using sweets as a reward was having the opposite effect on Lila — making sweets even more desirable and healthy foods a chore. Most parents don’t realize the power their attitudes, actions and timing of meals have on how children eat. Research shows that being too controlling (forcing extra bites, restricting food and bribing with dessert) and being too permissive (catering to children, letting them graze all day and being the “yes” parent) are linked to poor food regulation and worse eating habits in children.
The most effective way to feed children is something in between these two: what researchers call an authoritative feeding style. This means parents set the structure (timing and location of meals) and decide what is served, but children get to control what and how much is eaten. (Ed note: much like this DIY salad bar for kids.)
Feeding is structured around times of hunger and children are encouraged to listen to their own feelings of hunger and satiety. Parents still have high expectations for kids’ eating but they keep mealtime enjoyable and use it as a way to connect with children, rather than a battle zone.
Understanding that children are learning about food, the same way they learn to read, write or drive a car, helps parents create a supportive environment that enhances food learning.
Why Kids Behave that Way
Whether it’s the infant throwing food, the toddler being picky, the school-age kid coming home wanting what their friend is eating, or the teen experimenting with the latest diet craze, there are developmental reasons children act the way they do around food.
For example, the infant is learning about cause and effect. It sure is interesting to see what happens when they throw that meatball! Picky eating is a rite of passage for most kids starting around age two when growth slows and they become skeptical about food.
And school-age children feel the need to belong, which is why they often want the same foods their friends are eating. Let’s not forget about teens. They are developing their identity and are apt to try a few risky behaviors along the way, which is why a fast weight loss diet entices even the most savvy of teens.
When parents learn to expect challenging food-related behaviors, instead of assuming something is wrong, it helps them respond in thoughtful ways. In Fearless Feeding, we not only teach parents this what to expect aspect of feeding, we provide them with the tools and strategies of how best to take action so they can feel more confident raising healthy and happy eaters.
Giveaway!
We have a copy of Maryann’s book, Fearless Feeding: How to Raise Healthy Eaters from High Chair to High School to give away. Just leave a comment on this post and answer the question below:
**This giveaway is now close. Congratulations to Rita, who is our winner. Rita, you’ve been notified via email. **
What stage of feeding are you in right now and what is your biggest challenge?
I have a 19 mth old and an almost 3 yr old. They both have very different likes. It is always a struggle at mealtime
Young adults who have the choice to eat with us and eat healthy or go with their friends for fast food. Thanks for the giveaway!!
My older daughter is almost 3, and still days great – lots of variety and loves veggies – so it’s mostly good. We do have more whiny demands for sweets, but our bigger issue is the intentional messiness. I thought she would have outgrown scooping yogurt into her hands and rubbing it all over herself and the table, but I guess not!
I have a 4 year old and nearly 7 year old. My older child was diagnosed with allergies to milk, eggs, and peanuts when he was 8 months old. There went any ideas I had about wholesome foods – we had retrain ourselves, and relied a lot on packaged “safe” foods.
Thankfully he is no longer allergic to milk or eggs, but after so many years of practicing food avoidance, as well as his seeming to be super-sensitive to textures and odors, we are struggling to broaden his food choices & phase out packaged foods. I can cook with eggs and milk, but he won’t eat straight-up eggs and consumes very little milk or milk product (never yogurt or cheese!) and we worry about whether he gets enough calcium, as leafy greens aren’t very high on his wish list, either.
I have a 2 yo and a 4 yo. My 2 yo is very adventurous and will eat anything just maybe not much 🙂 but I also did baby-led warning with her and feeding her has been fun and enjoyable. My first born though seemed to have texture sensitivities and its has been a struggle the whole way. He eats much more diverse.y now but we still beg and plead to get him to eat different things. There’s also a whole lot of bribing sad to say. I feel this would help me with him and also to watch ow we approach food ie not attaching emotions to it!
We have an infant, a two-year old, and a three-year old. Our infant is starting on table food and wants more independence to feed himself. My two- and three-year olds are incredibly picky, willing to only eat a few things, and there’s no guarantee they’ll eat those things any given day. Mealtime is almost always a struggle! We have tried many different bits of advice to encourage them to eat more variety: presenting the food over and over in the hopes they’ll try it; requiring they take at least one bite at each meal; refusing dessert, treats, or snacks if they will not eat the meals presented, etc. So far, none of them have worked. With the two-year old, we recognize he’s in the phase where are the days he just might not eat much at all. The three-year old, it’s more about control for her and we’re still trying to find a way to work with her to eat more healthy food.
I sure wish this book had been around when I was raising kids, it would’ve helped me avoid all those typical pitfalls. I’d LOVE to win a copy for my daughter to use for my upcoming grandchild! Sounds like a very beneficial read.
My little one is going to turn 2 next month. We have struggled from the beginning with how much she eats. She seems to not have a “full” button. She is great at eating a variety of things – though she is a super carb lover. This books seems great at training us at what to do. Thanks!
My daughter turns 6 months in about 1 week. We are just about to embark on this fun adventure with food!
I have a 3 year old son and 4 month old daughter. I’m very fortunate that my 3 year old will try almost anything, but there definitely seems to be days or weeks where he wants nothing but cheese! I’d love to find some more well rounded meal options that are appealing to him at this age. My husband and I love salads with dinner, but the texture of the lettuce when chewed is a big issue with my son.
I have a 9-yr-old who likes a limited number of foods, all very bland, and she resists trying new foods.
I will have to get my hands on this book as a good reference to have. We are in the preschooler and toddler ages if feeding. They are both pretty good eaters. We do have to keep reminding our selves that we, the parents, decide the food, the child decides if they will eat and how much. We seem to have a lot of meals done with vary little food gone from the plate. I hate the waste. But it does not help to argue about eating more and I’d rather they listen to their own hunger cues. It’s likely more our fault as parents for putting too much food on their plate to begin with…. I may have just solved my own issue….
I have a 9 year old and a 6 year old. My 6 year old is VERY picky and is against trying new foods. My 9 year old has life-threatening food allergies. Finding something for everyone to eat is a chore.
I have a 2yo who eats great and is adventurous for the most part. But my 5yo is extremely picky and very fearful of trying new foods. Bc he’s fearful, he has a limited menu. He eats no fruit and veggies….none! 🙁 (Except sweet potato a few times) I feel like I’ve failed him. I worry that he’s not getting the proper nutrition which could set him up for disease later in life. I think the challenge is getting him to try bc then he might like it. But if he never tries, then we can’t expand his menu. Dinner is a struggle bc I like to try new recipes but I get discouraged bc I know he won’t try. I just don’t know how to handle dinner time anymore. I’m hoping to get all the help I can.
I have identical 5 year old twins and a 6 year old. My biggest challenge is trying to get them to eat vegetables. One of my twins refuses to eat any vegetables at all and is an extremely picky eater, she has weeks where all she will eat is porridge and strawberries!
I try not to force fee/threaten/bribe my children as I am very aware of causing “food anxiety”. I am lucky they all like fruit!
I have a 14 month old who still eats pretty well, but is starting to really form food preferences, I have a 3 year old who is usually very picky, but will pleasantly surprise me sometimes, and I have a 5 year old who swears up and down he doesn’t like vegetables, but he eats them fairly regularly as long as they aren’t by themselves. The biggest issue for us is stopping the morning grazing. They all wake up at different times and are all hungry then, but when the 3 year old wakes up late, the other two come back for second breakfast.
My youngest just turned 3, and he stopped eating practically everything. There doesn’t seem to be any other topic that makes me feel like a bad mom like this one does – would love to learn more about where my expectations should be, as well as a less stressful way to deal with the frustration that comes from his not eating.
With a 1yo, 3yo, and 6yo, we’ve got quite a variety of stages going on here! Sounds like an excellent book.
Oldest is 4 and suddenly not a fan of veggies. That combined with not drinking as much liquid as she used to has led to some, how should I say this…digestive difficulties. It’s a hase I know, but gah! It’s frustrating.
My son is still in the infant stage but it’s helpful to look out for what lies ahead.
We’re in various stages-a 6 year old who loves fruits and veggies, a picky 4 year old who only wants treats, and a baby on the way. Any help getting the 4 year old to eat more of what’s offered would be great!
I would LOVE a copy of this book! I have a 4 year old and a 5 year old who just won’t eat veggies — so I have resorted to hiding it in their food for now. Not sure if this will help in the long run and would love some other suggestions! Thank you for the chance to win!
I have a 20 month old who eats, but is definitely picky. He doesn’t like meat or “recipes” but and doesn’t like sauces or anything with a wet texture. Ahhh!
My two boys are 4 1/2 & 2 years old. My 4 1/2 year old is an extremely picky eater, which makes mealtime challenging. Breakfast & lunch are usually a breeze because we have the same foods over and over again. Dinnertime, however is another story. He refuses to try new things. It’s been a real struggle.
I have 7 year old twins. One will eat most anything except cheese and she’s not a fan of a lot of meat. The other child only wants macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets and, of course, sweets. It’s been a real struggle trying to get her to eat a wider variety of foods.
I have a 10,8,6 and 2 year old. I have become way too permissive, esp this summer! And they are more picky because of it – help!
I have an 8, 7 and 5 yr old. All are pretty good with vegies, only 2 are good with fruit and 1 doesn’t like meat.
I have a 12 and 6 year old. Both are generally great eaters but my biggest challenge is that my 6 year old would rather eat “snacks” than “meals”.
Our toddler is pretty adventurous (loves Thai noodles!) but our preschooler is very picky. We are kind of at a loss for how to deal with it. For now we are working on structuring meal times and snacks instead of grazing.
What an informative looking book! As a mom and a pediatrition I’d love to read it. I have a two year old who is a pretty good eater but we’ve definitely had our rough patches. Thanks for the giveaway!
Wow! What an awesome post..I have also a daughter and she is already 4 years old..She love’s to eat vegetable and meat etc. ..And when I read this, i feel so comfortable and relax, i got a lot of idea specially the recipe’s..If i cook this, I am very sure that my daughter will love it..Thanks for this informative post.
I have a 3.5 year old and the things he likes seems to almost change daily. It seems to be a control issue so I am trying to include him even more in meal prep and making his own decisions from what’s available– like with the salad bar.
I’m a mother of 3, one daughter who is 9 years old and two boys of three years and 6 month. My daughter is already very health-conscious and understanding when we explain what is important to eat or not to eat. But my son of 3 years is exactly like the small girl in your post… i think him beeing at the kindergarten since he was 1 didn’t improve the situation. So I’m really looking forward to information and proposals concerning children of that age! Feeding my 6 month old is a pleasure. He is so curious about everything! (Please forgive my phrasing, for I am no native english speaker)
Oh, man! I would love to win this!! I have 2 boys (at the moment – the 3rd boy is due in Nov) and they are preschool age… almost 4 and 2.5. Anyway, they make me crazy with their eating “situations” !!! One day they LOVE their broccoli. Another time – made the EXACT same way – they wont touch it with a 39.5 ft pole!!! What in the world!? They will eat raw baby carrots for days, but then wont touch them steamed… Dear, oh dear…
I have two boys 5 and 3. On the whole they are both very good eaters. But our youngest is obsessed with sweets. I don’t keep sweets in the house and on a normal basis the only processed snack we have is pretzels. But whenever we go somewhere with sweets he just wants to keep eating and eating and then throws a huge tantrum when we say he needs to be done. I try to stay calm and we talk a lot about too many sweets making his tummy sick. My guess is it is a combination of age (he really throws tantrums any time we say “no” to anything) and getting something that he doesn’t usually have.
My son has just started prep so it’s all about what the other kids are eating. It drives me insane because we have no packet food at home but because all of his friends have packet food that’s what he wants. Even when I send the packet food (very rarely) it comes home because he doesn’t like it. I feel like I can not win at the moment!!
It’s been pretty smooth with my just 2 year old but I can foresee so e pickiness issues in the future as she uses her current favourite word – “No!” This book would be a good reference for the rest of our eating life.
I have 4 and 6 yr old kids and our biggest challenge is getting them to eat veggies.
This sounds like exactly what we have been looking for. Serving sizes of the right food and eating that food in less than an hour is a super challenge at my house. We struggle with a 12 year old, 4 year old and 8 month old! They will eat anything, but the time it takes and the quantities of the wrong stuff is scary!
Excellent post. I have a 21mon DD and right now we are definitely going through the picky eater phase and a refusal to give up milk from a bottle. I know a lot of it, though, has to do with my actions, so this is perfect for us.
My son is 5 and is fearful of trying new foods – any new foods. And he does not eat ANY vegetables. I am hoping he will grow out of this stage (already beginning to see some glimmers of hope).
My almost 4 year old eats a lot of foods, but I’m always concerned about him getting enough to eat–he’s always been on the low side of height and weight curves. Because of that, I think we’ve let him develop some eating habits that aren’t going to be helpful in the long term. We’re working on turning things around, and this book seems like a great resource!
my 2 year old is always asking for cereal. I’ve tried to structure a snack time before supper but it never seems like enough. It seems I’m always saying no, which I don’t like.
My daughter is three and the most challenging thing about feeding her is how fickle she is. One day she loves something, but the next time I offer it she informs me she changed her mind and doesn’t like it anymore. I can’t keep up! If she had her way, she would live on carbohydrates. She loves bread, pasta, rice, etc. I find it very difficult to balance her meals properly. I’d love to learn how to stop food battles!!
I have twin boys who will be 4 in September. I have the same typical problem of any 4-ish kid- refusing to eat vegetables. In order to make them eat vegetables, I boil and grate veggies n mix in flour to make Indian bread, which they eat. And they want chicken nuggets all the time. Thankyou for the giveaway offer. I m hoping to find some ways to make things better.
I have a 14 month old who still nurses 3-4 times per day. I find frustration in him being unpredictably picky. He will eat cauliflower willingly until one day he pushes it aside. Then the next week he will be back to it. I am constantly nervous that he’s not getting enough protein, and I had no idea that 3 oz per day is all he needed. What a relief! Maybe he’ll eat a chicken meatball tonight?
I have a six year old who used to try everything though she has always been a light eater. Now she resists new things or things she hasn’t had in awhile. Once she finally tries then she often likes them! So I keep insisting that she must at least taste the new things but I’m never sure if I’m doing more harm than good.
I have a 2 year old and an almost 4 year old. the 2 year wants to eat only proteins, the other doesn’t want to eat any protein. I have no idea what the right balance for their age is!
I am in the picky stage right now with my one year old. Before one, he ate anything. As soon as he turned one, he became picky, especially with veggies.
I’m facing different issues with my 8 year old girl and 5 year old boy. My daughter is already having body image issues and thinking about weight. My 5 year old is resistant to meat due to its texture.